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I have achieved my seventy years in the usual way: by sticking strictly to a scheme of life which would kill anybody else... I will offer here, as a sound maxim, this: That we can't reach old age by another man's road.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Life
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Usual
Sticking
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Seventy
Else
Offer
Maxims
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Scheme
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Reach
Seventies
Would
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Anybody
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Maxim

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In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere.
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Who is this Renaissance? Where did he come from? Who gave him permission to cram the Republic with his execrable daubs?
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If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true.
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The proverb says, Born lucky, always lucky, and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.
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No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself.
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Those people.... early stricken of God, intellectually - the departmental interpreters of the laws in Washington... can always be depended on to take any reasonably good law and interpret the common sense all out of it.
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She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot
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Nature knows no indecencies man invents them.
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Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.
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In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.
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If I'd seen a playwright ever write an' play at the same time, I'd have given 'em more of a chance at cards. Can I get an 'amen?'
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I'm the only person who has ever found the right way to build an autobiography.
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Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
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Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?
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Synergy - the bonus that is achieved when things work together harmoniously.
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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There is no use in your walking five miles to fish when you can depend on being just as unsuccessful near home.
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There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.
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It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.
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