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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Beauty
Cannot
Conscientiously
Thing
Soiled
Neglected
Regarded
Nose
Noses
Baby

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Compliments make me vain: & when I am vain, I am insolent & overbearing. It is a pity, too, because I love compliments. I love them even when they are not so. My child, I can live on a good compliment two weeks with nothing else to eat.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
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We are discreet sheep we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.
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That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy.
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It is hard enough luck being a monarch, without being a target also.
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One compliment can keep me going for a whole month.
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If you tell the truth you do not need a good memory!
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.
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Be good and you will be lonely.
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Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.
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A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.
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Let us draw the curtain of charity over the rest of this scene
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I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.
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Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, obsolete that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it.
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There is no God, no universe, no human race, no earthly life, no heaven, no hell. It is all a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream. Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought -a vagrant thought, a useless thought, a homeless thought, wandering forlorn among the empty eternities!
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...heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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I have learned that human existence is essentially tragic. It is only the love of God, disclosed and enacted in Christ, that redeems the human tragedy and makes it tolerable. No, more than tolerable. Wonderful.
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He charged nothing for his preaching and it was worth it too.
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The very marks on the bottom of a piece of rare crockery are able to throw me into a gibbering ecstasy.
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