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I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Insult
Jail
Two
Anything
Things
Never
Men
Anyhow

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The Impartial Friend: Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all--the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
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Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
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There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.
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Don't dream your life, but live your dream
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He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
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Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
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God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
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The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.
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Cats are the wildest of the tame and the tamest of the wild
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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one.
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In writing, I shall always confine myself strictly to the truth, except when it is attended with inconvenience.
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When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.
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The best of us would rather be popular than right.
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I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.
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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
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A man who keeps company with glaciers comes to feel tolerably insignificant by and by.
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