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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Men
Turnips
Mustard
Perfection
Without
Trying

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I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody that was going to die.
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And so when I couldn't stand it no longer, I lit out. I got into my old rags and my sugar-hogshead again, and was free and satisfied.
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Man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training the odds are too heavy.
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English humor is hard to appreciate, though, unless you are trained to it. The English papers, in reporting my speeches, always put 'laughter' in the wrong place.
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Sometimes people do get hurt
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By law of periodical repetition, everything which has happened once must happen again and again -- and not capriciously, but at regular periods, and each thing in its own period, not another's and each obeying its own law.
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To do something, say something, see something, before anybody else -- these are things that confer a pleasure compared with which other pleasures are tame and commonplace, other ecstasies cheap and trivial.
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How stunning are the changes which age makes in a man while he sleeps!
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When one's character begins to fall under suspicion and disfavor, how swift, then, is the work of disintegration and destruction.
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I have found out that there ain't no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.
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It is not what a man knows, but what he thinks of in time.
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I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way.
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To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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There's a good spot tucked away somewhere in everybody. You'll be a long time finding it, sometimes.
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No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself.
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the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider’s measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it.
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The southerner talks music.
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Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?
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As for the dinosaur - But Noah's conscience was easy it was not named in his cargo list and he and the boys were not aware that there was such a creature. He said he could not blame himself for not knowing about the dinosaur, because it was an American animal and America had not then been discovered.
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