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A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes when bad, he is entitled to none at all.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Good
Crimes
Entitled
Consideration
Sunday
Monarch
Keeps
Monarchs
None
Pirate
Crime
Royalty
School
Accord

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Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.
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The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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I couldn't bear to think about it and yet, somehow, I couldn't think about nothing else.
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We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that.
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Names are not always what they seem. The common Welsh name Bzjxxllwcp is pronounced Jackson.
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Let us consider that we are all insane. It will explain us to each other. It will unriddle many riddles
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If you do read the newspaper you are misinformed.
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He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.
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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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You know that kind of quiver that trembles around through you when you are seeing something so strange and enchanting and wonderful that it is just a fearful joy to be alive and look at it and you know how you gaze, and your lips turn dry and your breath comes short, but you wouldn't be anywhere but there, not for the world.
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There is no urge so great as for one man to edit another man's work.
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Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.
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Morals are not the important thing-nor enlightenment-nor civilization. A man can do absolutely well without them, but he can't do without something to eat. The supremest thing is the need of the body, not of the mind and spirit.
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
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