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A monarch, when good, is entitled to the consideration which we accord to a pirate who keeps Sunday School between crimes when bad, he is entitled to none at all.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
School
Accord
Good
Crimes
Entitled
Consideration
Sunday
Monarch
Keeps
Monarchs
None
Pirate
Crime
Royalty

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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
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How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again!
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God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with. After all these years I see that I was mistaken about Eve in the beginning it is better to live outside the Garden with her than inside it without her.
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Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.
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In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics, and missionaries, and Congressmen, and humorists, and we must bear the burden. Meantime, I seem to have been drifting into criticism myself. But that is nothing. At the worst, criticism is nothing more than a crime, and I am not unused to that.
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The ordinary chestnut can beget a sickly and reluctant laugh, but it takes a horse chestnut to fetch the gorgeous big horse-laugh.
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The community is eminently Portuguese - that is to say, it is slow, poor, shiftless, sleepy, and lazy.
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A newspaper is not just for reporting the news as it is, but to make people mad enough to do something about it.
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Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.
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Foreigners cannot enjoy our food, I suppose, any more than we can enjoy theirs. It is not strange for tastes are made, not born. I might glorify my bill of fare until I was tired but after all, the Scotchman would shake his head and say, 'Where's your haggis?' and the Fijan would sigh and say, 'Where's your missionary?'
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We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that the savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as we gained by prying into that matter.
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Never waste a lie you never know when you may need it.
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As a rule we develop a borrowed European idea forward, and ... Europe develops a borrowed American idea backwards.
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It were not best that we should all think alike.
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The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.
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The first time a student realizes that a little learning is a dangerous thing is when he brings home a poor report card.
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Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.
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Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse.
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