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There is no such thing as the Queen's English. The property has gone into the hands of a joint stock company and we own the bulk of the shares!

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hands
Stock
Thing
Queens
English
Property
Bulk
Share
Joint
Company
Shares
Gone
Joints
Language
Queen

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Congress: America's only true criminal class.
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You need not expect to get your book right the first time. Go to work and revamp or rewrite it. God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention. These are God's adjectives. You thunder and lightning too much the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.
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No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot
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Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more.
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Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.
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It is human to exaggerate the merits of the dead.
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I was standing in our dining-room thinking of nothing in particular, when a cablegram was put into my hand. It said, 'Susy was peacefully released today.' It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?
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Write without pay until somebody offers to pay.
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An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
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Children have but little charity for one another's defects
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To place man properly at the present time, he stands somewhere between the angels and the French.
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Experience teaches us only one thing at a time - and hardly that, in my case.
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Adam did not want the apple for the apple's sake he wanted it because it was forbidden.
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The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal
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We consider that any man who can fiddle all through one of those Virginia Reels without losing his grip may be depended upon in any kind of musical emergency.
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