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Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Chance
Learn
Language
Give
Giving
German
Made
Awful
Never
Eternity
Knew
More quotes by Mark Twain
Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.
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I said nothing of the sort.
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There is not a single celebrated Southern name in any of the departments of human industry except those of war, assassination, lynching, murder, the duel, repudiation, & massacre.
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Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
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If I had more time, I would have written less.
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I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.
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What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.
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A man with a hump-backed uncle mustn't make fun of another man's cross-eyed aunt
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Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
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All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.
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Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.
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If we only had some God in the country's laws, instead of being in such a sweat to get him into the Constitution, it would be better all around.
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Never be haughty to the humble, never be humble to the haughty.
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I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
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Man is a marvelous curiosity...he thinks he is the Creator's pet...he even believes the Creator loves him has passion for him sits up nights to admire him yes and watch over him and keep him out of trouble. He prays to him and thinks he listens. Isn't it a quaint idea.
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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
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We have the best government that money can buy.
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It is higher and nobler to be kind.
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Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.
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Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty.
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