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Never knew before what eternity was made for. It is to give some of us a chance to learn German.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Chance
Learn
Language
Give
Giving
German
Made
Awful
Never
Eternity
Knew

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To be great, truly great, you have to be the kind of person who makes the others around you great.
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Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth
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Rags, wretchedness, poverty and dirt, those signs and symbols that indicate the presence of [Muslim] rule more surely than the crescent-flag itself, abound.
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Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
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Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.
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Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.
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I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.
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Do good when you can, and charge when you think they will stand it.
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Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
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I am always on the side of the revolutionists, because there never was a revolution unless there were some oppressive and intolerable conditions against which to revolute.
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I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean.
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By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.
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A sincere compliment is always grateful to a lady, so long as you don't try to knock her down with it.
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I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.
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At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on their clothes to keep them from being stolen.
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