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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Language
Sufferer
Time
Toothache
Sufferers
Inventing
German
Awful
Early
Times
More quotes by Mark Twain
Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.
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I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.
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A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart.
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I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
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There are no wild animals until man makes them so.
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Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
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There is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples.
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We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that.
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By and by when each nation has 20,000 battleships and 5,000,000 soldiers we shall all be safe and the wisdom of statesmanship will stand confirmed.
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The human race consists of the damned and the ought-to-be damned.
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The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, Where is the best place to go to? He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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No throne exists that has a right to exist, and no symbol of it, flying from any flagstaff, is righteously entitled to wear any device but the skull and crossbones of that kindred industry which differs from royalty only businesswise-merely as retail differs from wholesale.
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Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.
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Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.
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Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public.
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God cures and the doctor sends the bill.
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Don't dream your life, but live your dream
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Those who do not read the news are uninformed. Those who do are misinformed.
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Honest poverty is a gem that even a king might be proud to call his own - but I wish to sell out
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