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It is easier for a cannibal to enter the Kingdom of Heaven through the eye of a rich man's needle that it is for any other foreigner to read the terrible German script.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Easier
German
Rich
Kingdom
Heaven
Kingdoms
Eye
Script
Foreigner
Read
Enter
Cannibal
Language
Scripts
Needle
Men
Awful
Needles
Terrible
Foreigners

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The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.
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He is now rising from affluence to poverty.
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The calamity that comes is never the one we had prepared ourselves for.
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Adam did not want the apple for the apple's sake he wanted it because it was forbidden.
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I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.
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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth.
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I always did hate for anyone to know what my plans or hopes or prospects were—for, if I kept people in ignorance in these matters, no one could be disappointed but myself, if they were not realized.
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Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.
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The government is merely a servant―merely a temporary servant it cannot be its prerogative to determine what is right and what is wrong, and decide who is a patriot and who isn't. Its function is to obey orders, not originate them.
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We are all beggars, each in his own way.
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The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.
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How superbly brave is the Englishman in the presence of the awfulest forms of danger and death and how abject in the presence of any and all forms of hereditary rank.
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The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.
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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
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Astonishing things can be done with the human memory if you will devote it faithfully to one particular line of business.
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Tea is an affront to lunch and an insult to dinner.
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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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