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It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Race
Peculiarity
Moral
Morals
Two
Stock
Human
Artificial
Humans
Sets
Real
Keeps
Always
Private
Public

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A half-truth is the most cowardly of lies.
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Modesty antedates clothes and will be resumed when clothes are no more.
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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
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It is wiser to find out than to suppose.
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If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help it and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequences of that occurrence, and so first thing you know, there's your book all finished up and never cost you an idea.
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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The law is a system that protects everybody who can afford to hire a good lawyer.
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God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.
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A crime persevered in a thousand centuries ceases to be a crime, and becomes a virtue. This is the law of custom, and custom supersedes all other forms of law.
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No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot
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The kingly office is entitled to no respect. It was originally procured by the highwayman's methods. It remains a perpetuated crime, can never be anything but the symbol of a crime. It is no more entitled to respect than is the flag of a pirate.
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Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
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None but the dead have free speech.
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There has never been a Protestant boy nor a Protestant girl whose mind the Bible has not soiled.
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By common consent of all the nations and all the ages the most valuable thing in this world is the homage of men, whether deserved or undeserved.
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It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.
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Humor is man's greatest blessing.
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