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Morals consist of political morals, commercial morals, ecclesiastical morals, and morals.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Consist
Morals
Commercial
Moral
Political
Ecclesiastical

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There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience not practiced in the tricks and delusions of oratory
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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
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There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.
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If you're looking for friends when you need them...it's too late.
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It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.
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I have always been rather better treated in San Francisco than I actually deserved.
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Concentration of power in a political machine is bad and an Established Church is only a political machine it was invented for that it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.
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It must be well-nigh a maximum of sense to behave so that one escapes being hanged.
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To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are absurdities, is the basis of the American art, if my position is correct.
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But the elastic heart of youth cannot be compressed into one constrained shape long at a time.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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College is a place where a professor's lecture notes go straight to the students' lecture notes, without passing through the brains of either.
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I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.
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My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.
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This autobiography of mine is a mirror, and I am looking at myself in it all the time. Incidentally I notice the people that pass along at my back - I get glimpses of them in the mirror - and whenever they say or do anything that can help advertise me and flatter me and raise me in my own estimation, I set these things down in my autobiography.
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Better a broken promise than none at all.
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There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said 'Faith is believing what you know ain't so'.
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Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.
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Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.
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If we learned to walk and talk the way we learn to read and write, everyone would limp and stutter.
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