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Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Happiness
Use
Humans
Weapon
Laughter
Weapons
Laughing
Greatest
Least

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Tom appeared on the sidewalk with a bucket of whitewash and a long-handled brush. He surveyed the fence, and all gladness left him and a deep melancholy settled down upon his spirit. Thirty yards of board fence nine feet high. Life to him seemed hollow, and existence but a burden.
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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
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When politics enter into municipal government, nothing resulting therefrom in the way of crimes and infamies is then incredible. It actually enables one to accept and believe the impossible.
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It is hard enough luck being a monarch, without being a target also.
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There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice.
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We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege.
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In religion and politics people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, As unhappy as God.
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An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
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I was standing in our dining-room thinking of nothing in particular, when a cablegram was put into my hand. It said, 'Susy was peacefully released today.' It is one of the mysteries of our nature that a man, all unprepared, can receive a thunder-stroke like that and live.
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I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar--for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards--no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.
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My experience with horses is that they never throw away a chance to go lame.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.
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If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.
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That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
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