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I can always tell which is the front end of a horse, but beyond that, my art is not above the ordinary.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Beyond
Tell
Art
Ends
Always
Horse
Fronts
Front
Ordinary

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It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.
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Does the human being reason? No he thinks, muses, reflects, but does not reason...that is, in the two things which are the peculiar domain of the heart, not the mind, politics and religion. He doesn't want to know the other side. He wants arguments and statistics for his own side, and nothing more.
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Let your joy be unconfined!
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A person that started in to carry a cat home by the tail was gitting knowledge that was always going to be useful to him, and warn't ever going to grow dim or doubtful.
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The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
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it is not wise to keep the fire going under a slander unless you can get some large advantage out of keeping it alive. Few slanders can stand the wear of silence.
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE
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...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'
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School gets in the way of my learning.
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I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time.
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If you can't get a compliment any other way, pay yourself one.
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I like criticism, but it must be my way.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden
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A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty.
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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Is the human race a joke? Was it devised and patched together in a dull time when there was nothing important to do?
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What a world of trouble those who never marry escape! There are many happy matches, it is true, and sometimes my dear, and my love come from the heart but what sensible bachelor, rejoicing in his freedom and years of discretion, will run the tremendous risk?
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Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.
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The new political gospel: public office is private graft.
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Rags, wretchedness, poverty and dirt, those signs and symbols that indicate the presence of [Muslim] rule more surely than the crescent-flag itself, abound.
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