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...heaven for climate, and hell for society.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Heaven
Society
Climate
Hell

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One must keep one's character. Earn a character first if you can, and if you can't, then assume one.
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The face of the water, in time, became a wonderful book- a book that was a dead language to the uneducated passenger, but which told its mind to me without reserve, delivering its most cherished secrets as clearly as if it uttered them with a voice. And it was not a book to be read once and thrown aside, for it had a new story to tell every day.
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The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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The public is the only critic whose judgment is worth anything at all.
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It must be well-nigh a maximum of sense to behave so that one escapes being hanged.
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In early times some sufferer had to sit up with a toothache, and he put in the time inventing the German language.
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I never write metropolis for seven cents when I can write city and get paid the same.
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Talking of patriotism, what humbug it is it is a word which always commemorates a robbery.
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A discriminating irreverence is the creator and protector of human liberty.
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A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.
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Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.
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Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.
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We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.
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Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar.
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History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise.
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The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the tellingthe comic and the witty story upon the matter.
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Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.
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I never write Metropolis for seven cents because I can get the same price for city. I never write policeman because I can get the same money for cop.
Mark Twain
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Stars and shadows ain't good to see by.
Mark Twain