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It is hopeless for the occasional visitor to try to keep up with Chicago-she outgrows his prophecies faster than he can make them. She is always a novelty for she is never the Chicago you saw when you passed through the last time.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Keep
Hopeless
Trying
Chicago
Outgrows
Make
Passed
Prophecies
Always
Faster
Visitor
Never
Saws
Visitors
Time
Cities
Prophecy
Lasts
Novelty
Last
Occasional

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The more you join with people in their joys and their sorrows, the more nearer and dearer they come to be to you.
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Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands.
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There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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There are no accidents, all things have a deep and calculated purpose sometimes the methods employed by Providence seem strange and incongruous, but we have only to be patient and wait for the result: then we recognize that no others would have answered the purpose, and we are rebuked and humbled.
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If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help it and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequences of that occurrence, and so first thing you know, there's your book all finished up and never cost you an idea.
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God's great cosmic joke on the human race was requiring that men and women live together in marriage
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from the beginning of my sojourn in this world there was a persistent vacancy in me where the industry ought to be. (Ought to was is better, perhaps, though the most of the authorities differ as to this.
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In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.
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I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't...The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further.
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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
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Of the 417 commandments, only a single one of the 417 has found ministerial obedience multiply and replenish the earth. To it sinner & saint, scholar & ignoramus, Christian & savage are alike loyal.
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There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.
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Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
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The frankest and freest and privatest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter.
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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
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A sincere compliment is always grateful to a lady, so long as you don't try to knock her down with it.
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We like to read about rich people in the newspapers the papers know it, and they do their best to keep this appetite liberally fed.
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No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.
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I am always reading immoral books on the sly, and then selfishly trying to prevent other people from having the same wicked good time.
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