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I never write metropolis for seven cents when I can write city and get paid the same.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
City
Cities
Written
Write
Writing
Metropolis
Never
Cents
Seven
Paid

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We called him Barney for short. We couldn't use his real name, there wasn't time.
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The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet.
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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It consists mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever blowing through one's head.
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I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases
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I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.
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Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
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It is wiser to find out than to suppose.
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It has been said that a Scotchman has not seen the world until he has seen Edinburgh and I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
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His ignorance covers the world like a blanket, and there's scarcely a hole in it anywhere.
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The solution to our water problems is more rain.
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Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.
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If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.
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I cannot see how a man of any large degree of humorous perception can ever be religious -- unless he purposely shut the eyes of his mind & keep them shut by force.
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If you have to swallow a frog, don't stare at it too long.
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Training- training is everything training is all there is to a person. We speak of nature it is folly there is no such thing as nature what we call by that misleading name is merely heredity and training. We have no thoughts of our own, no opinions of our own they are transmitted to us, trained into us.
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