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All you drunkards: Put down the intoxicating Vanity Metrics.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Intoxicating
Metrics
Drunkards
Vanity

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Learning softeneth the heart and breedeth gentleness and charity.
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In my experience, previously counted chickens never do hatch.
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France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
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They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.
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Politicians, old buildings, and prostitutes become respectable with age.
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I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen.
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Every man is in his own person the whole human race without a detail lacking....I knew I should not find in any philosophy a single thought which had not passed through my own head, nor a single thought which had not passed through the heads of millions and millions of men before I was born.
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It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.
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Is a person's public and private opinion the same? It is thought there have been instances.
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The minute we get reconciled to a person, how willing we are to throw aside little needless punctilios and pronounce his name right.
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I think I can say, and say with pride, that we have some legislatures that bring higher prices than any in the world.
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Distance lends enchantment to the view.
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There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.
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Tis Better to Sit there and LOOK the fool, than to open your mouth and prove it.
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The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.
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Data is like garbage. You'd better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial.
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Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead. Death, the refuge, the solace, the best and kindliest and most prized friend and benefactor of the erring, the forsaken, the old and weary and broken of heart.
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When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
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