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All you drunkards: Put down the intoxicating Vanity Metrics.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Vanity
Intoxicating
Metrics
Drunkards

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Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.
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I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it.
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Two things seemed pretty apparent to me. One was that in order to be a pilot a man had to learn more than any one man ought to learn and the other was that he must learn it all over again in a different way every 24 hours.
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.
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When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
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Don't you know that the very thing a man dreads is the thing that always happens?
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I am living a new and exalted life of late. It steeps me in a sacred rapture to see a portrait develop and take soul under my hand. First, I throw off a study - just a mere study, a few apparently random lines - and to look at it you would hardly ever suspect who it was going to be even I cannot tell, myself.
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We are always too busy for our children we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.
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All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.
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His head was an hour-glass it could stow an idea, but it had to do it a grain at a time, not the whole idea at once.
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So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.
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Humor must be one of the chief attributes of God. Plants and animals that are distinctly humorous in form and characteristics are God's jokes.
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
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Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed down-stairs one step at a time.
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Always tell the truth then you don't have to remember anything
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Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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There is nothing so annoying as a good example!!
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We laugh and laugh. Then cry and cry- Then feebler laugh, Then die.
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