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All you drunkards: Put down the intoxicating Vanity Metrics.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Metrics
Drunkards
Vanity
Intoxicating

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There are things which some people never attempt during their whole lives, but one of these is not poetry. Poetry attacks all human beings sooner or later, and, like the measles, is mild or violent according to the age of the sufferer.
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But we love the Old Travelers. We love to hear them prate and drivel and lie.
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Life does not consist mainly - or even largely - of facts and happenings.
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My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies.
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Never argue with people who buy ink by the gallon.
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Nothing is made in vain, but the fly came near it.
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When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
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In other localities certain places in the streams are much better than others, but at Niagara one place is just as good as another, for the reason that the fish do not bite anywhere.
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Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.
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There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy's life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.
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Never miss an opportunity to shut up.
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A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart.
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It is a pity we can't escape from life when we are young.
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Love is madness, if thwarted it develops fast.
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.
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If I had more time, I would have written less.
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Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
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The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.
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There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.
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To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
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