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All you drunkards: Put down the intoxicating Vanity Metrics.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Intoxicating
Metrics
Drunkards
Vanity

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Never do wrong when people are looking.
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To believe yourself brave is to be brave it is the one only essential thing.
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Do good when you can, and charge when you think they will stand it.
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The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
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We are all alike, on the inside.
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I begin to see that a man's got to be in his own heaven to be happy.
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There ain't anything that is so interesting to look at as a place that a book has talked about.
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There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice.
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There isn't any way to libel the human race.
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Your friends may love you in private but your enemies will hate you in public.
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It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail.
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Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
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Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.
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Always obey your parents - when they are present.
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What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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The cost of living hasn't effected its popularity.
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Too much is just enough.
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the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider’s measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it.
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When the Lord finished the world, he pronounced it good. That is what I said about my first work, too. But Time, I tell you, Time takes the confidence out of these incautious opinions. It is more than likely that He thinks about the world, now, pretty much as I think about the Innocents Abroad. The fact is, there is a trifle too much water in both.
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Do something everyday that you don't want to do this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.
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