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Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hands
Lady
Nothing
Ignorant
Men
Except
Ignorance
Watches
Watch
Hand
Left

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I hope all of us may eventually be together in everlasting peace and bliss -- except the inventor of the # telephone .
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When whole races and peoples conspire to propagate gigantic mute lies in the interest of tyrannies and shams, why should we care anything about the trifling lies told by individuals?
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If you don't like the weather in New England now, just wait a few minutes.
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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Never do wrong when people are looking.
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The moral of it is this: If you are of any account, stay at home and make your way by faithful diligence but if you are 'no account,' go away from home, and then you will have to work, whether you want to or not. Thus you become a blessing to your friends by ceasing to be a nuisance to them-if the people you go among suffer by the operation.
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By trampling upon the helpless abroad with unchecked surveillance, Americans have learned, by a natural process, to endure with apathy the like at home.
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The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened.
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And how moving is the eloquence of the untaught when it is the heart that is speaking!
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There is no salvation for us but to adopt Civilization and lift ourselves down to its level.
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Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.
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Most of the things I worried about in life never happened.
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History doesn't repeat itself it rhymes.
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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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Which is him? The grammar was faulty, maybe, but we could not know, then, that it would go in a book someday.
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Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
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I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.
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I was sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because they have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself.
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In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.
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Have a place for everything and keep the thing somewhere else. This is not advice, it is merely custom.
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