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Nothing is so ignorant as a man's left hand, except a lady's watch.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Men
Except
Ignorance
Watches
Watch
Hand
Left
Hands
Lady
Nothing
Ignorant

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I am living a new and exalted life of late. It steeps me in a sacred rapture to see a portrait develop and take soul under my hand. First, I throw off a study - just a mere study, a few apparently random lines - and to look at it you would hardly ever suspect who it was going to be even I cannot tell, myself.
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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We wish to learn all the curious, outlandish ways of all the different countries, so that we can show off and astonish people when we get home. We wish to excite the envy of our untraveled friends with our strange foreign fashions which we can't shake off.
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Obscurity and a competence—that is the life that is best worth living.
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They did not know it was impossible so they did it
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Conformity—the natural instinct to passively yield to that vague something recognized as authority.
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I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.
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The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.
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True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.
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Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community, and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
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Always obey your parents - when they are present.
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When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
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Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
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You can't reason with your heart it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.
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I've dealt with many crises in my life, but few will ever happen.
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I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I smoke with all my might, and allow no intervals.
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France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country.
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