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The trouble with most of us is that we know too much that ain't so.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Trouble
Much
Ignorance

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The old Irish when immersing a babe at baptism left out the right arm so that it would remain pagan for good fighting
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You can't make a life over. Society wouldn't let you if you would.
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If all men were rich, all men would be poor.
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Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to sleep simply by getting out his blocks and mortar and building an addition to a church.
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To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.
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I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.
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There is no family in America without a clock, and consequently there is no fair pretext for the usual Sunday medley of dreadful sounds that issues from our steeples.
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Heroine: Girl in a book who is saved from drowning by a hero and marries him next week, but if it was to be over again ten years later it is likely she would rather have a life-belt and he would rather have her have it. Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
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The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates.
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When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
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Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession. You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy officials have gone by.
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A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.
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A half-educated physician is not valuable. He thinks he can cure everything.
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I am not given to exaggeration, and when I say a thing I mean it.
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Good wine needs no bush a jug is the thing.
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In my nostrils still lives the breath of flowers that perished twenty years ago.
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Golden rule: Made of hard metal so it could stand severe wear, it not being known at that time that butter would answer.
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