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The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Race
Steady
Talking
Usual
Human
Optimistic
Humans
March
Way
Perfection
Always
Ultimate
Pulpit
Toward
Optimist
Leave
Statistics

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Sum all the gifts that man is endowed with, and we give our greatest share of admiration to his energy. And today, if I were a heathen, I would rear a statue to Energy and fall down and worship it!
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If you want to change the future, you must change what you're doing in the present.
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While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.
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Among other common lies, we have the silent lie - the deception which one conveys by simply keeping still and concealing the truth. Many obstinate truth-mongers indulge in this dissipation, imagining that if they speak no lie, they lie not at all.
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We are called the nation of inventors. And we are. We could still claim that title and wear its loftiest honors if we had stopped with the first thing we ever invented, which was human liberty.
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Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.
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Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable the drawing-room can't support the play by itself.
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the size of a misfortune is not determinable by an outsider’s measurement of it but only by the measurements applied to it by the person specially affected by it.
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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.
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The more you join with people in their joys and their sorrows, the more nearer and dearer they come to be to you.
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It is easier to stay out than get out.
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Every one knew he could foretell wars and famines, though that was not so hard, for there was always a war, and generally a famine somewhere.
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Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
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Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community, and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
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In love, you pay as you leave.
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We must put up with clothes as they are they have their reason for existing. They are on us to expose us to advertise what we wear them to conceal.
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Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.
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The Impartial Friend: Death, the only immortal who treats us all alike, whose pity and whose peace and whose refuge are for all--the soiled and the pure, the rich and the poor, the loved and the unloved.
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I admire him, I frankly confess it and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.
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