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That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Turn
Hell
Turns
Backyard
Play
Backyards
Always
Optimist
Optimistic
Ground
Ready

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In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
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Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
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Experience teaches us only one thing at a time - and hardly that, in my case.
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God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. (In God we Trust) is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar.
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Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands.
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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
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Every time I read a Jane Austen novel, I feel like a bartender at the gates of heaven.
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There is a great difference between feeding parties to wild beasts and stirring up their finer feelings in an inquisition. One is the system of degraded barbarians, the other of enlightened civilized people.
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The North thinks it knows how to make corn bread, but this is a gross superstition. Perhaps no bread in the world is quite as good as Southern corn bread, and perhaps no bread in the world is quite as bad as the Northern imitation of it.
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Those who do not read have no advantage over those who cannot read.
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A sincere compliment is always grateful to a lady, so long as you don't try to knock her down with it.
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Next to possessing genius one's self is the power of appreciating it in others.
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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
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Consider the average intelligence of the common man, then realize 50% are even stupider.
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A better idea than my own is to listen.
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Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity - these are strictly confined to man he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed.
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