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That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Always
Optimist
Optimistic
Ground
Ready
Turn
Hell
Turns
Backyard
Play
Backyards

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When I want to read something nice, I sit down and write it myself.
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The choir always tittered and whispered all through the service. There was once a church choir that was not ill-bred, but I have forgotten where it was.
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The old Irish when immersing a babe at baptism left out the right arm so that it would remain pagan for good fighting
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
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Man proposes, but God blocks the game.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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We have to keep our God placated with prayer, and even then we are never sure of him-how much higher and finer is the Indian's God...Our illogical God is all-powerful in name, but impotent in fact the Great Spirit is not all-powerful, but does the very best he can for his injun and does it free of charge
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India is, the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend, and the great grand mother of tradition. our most valuable and most instructive materials in the history of man are treasured up in India only.
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The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.
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Truth is more of a stranger than fiction. When in doubt, tell the truth. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. Most writers regard the truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are economical in its use.
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Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
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Humorists of the 'mere' sort cannot survive. Humor is only a fragrance, a decoration.
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I prefer milk because I am a Prohibitionist, but I do not go to it for inspiration.
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It has been said that a Scotchman has not seen the world until he has seen Edinburgh and I think that I may say that an American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
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All human rules are more or less idiotic.
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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
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When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
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