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Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
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Hilarious
Spoil
Witty
Story
Eyewitness
Funny
Eyewitnesses
Stories
Spoils
Nothing
Arrival
Good
Arrivals

More quotes by Mark Twain

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I never can think of Judas Iscariot without losing my temper. To my mind Judas Iscariot was nothing but a low, mean, premature, Congressman.
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If we should deal out justice only, in this world, who would escape? No, it is better to be generous, and in the end more profitable, for it gains gratitude for us, and love.
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No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself.
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How easy it is to make people believe a lie, and [how] hard it is to undo that work again!
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The pulpit and the optimist are always talking about the human race's steady march toward ultimate perfection. As usual, they leave out the statistics. It is the pulpit's way - the optimist's way.
Mark Twain
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, As unhappy as God.
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Difference between savage and civilized man: one is painted, the other gilded.
Mark Twain
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I was educated once - it took me years to get over it.
Mark Twain
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It is a good thing to write for the amusement of the public, but it is a far higher and nobler thing to write for their instruction, their profit, their actual and tangible benefit.
Mark Twain
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when the human race is not grotesque it is because it is asleep and losing its opportunity.
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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
Mark Twain
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A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies which they dare not admit in public
Mark Twain
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There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.
Mark Twain
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Our lives, our liberty, and our property are never in greater danger than when Congress is in session.
Mark Twain
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We recognize that there are no trivial occurrences in life if we get the right focus on them.
Mark Twain
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It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.
Mark Twain
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To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, Our Country, right or wrong, and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?
Mark Twain
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I do not allow my schooling to interfere with my education
Mark Twain
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The frankest and freest and privatest product of the human mind and heart is a love letter.
Mark Twain
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There are laws to protect the freedom of the press's speech, but none that are worth anything to protect the people from the press
Mark Twain