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I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Funny
Years
Ass
Author
More quotes by Mark Twain
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
Mark Twain
It was on the 10th day of May - 1884 - that I confessed to age by mounting spectacles for the first time, and in the same hour I renewed my youth, to outward appearance, by mounting a bicycle for the first time. The spectacles stayed on.
Mark Twain
The difference between fiction and nonfiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable.
Mark Twain
The truth is a precious commodity. That's why I use it so sparingly.
Mark Twain
A conspiracy is nothing but a secret agreement of a number of men for the pursuance of policies which they dare not admit in public
Mark Twain
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Mark Twain
Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
Mark Twain
The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.
Mark Twain
When one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat.
Mark Twain
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
Mark Twain
Medicine has made all its progress during the past fifty years. ... How many operations that are now in use were known fifty years ago?-they were not operations, they were executions.
Mark Twain
I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.
Mark Twain
Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.
Mark Twain
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
Mark Twain
Canadian girls are so pretty it's a relief now and then to see a plain one.
Mark Twain
The funniest things are the forbidden.
Mark Twain
To create man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.
Mark Twain
A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.
Mark Twain
What work I have done I have done because it has been play. If it had been work I shouldn't have done it. . . . The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all. . . . When we talk about the great workers of the world we really mean the great players of the world.
Mark Twain
America cannot have an empire abroad and a Republic at home.
Mark Twain
