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[The Bible is] a mass of fables and traditions, mere mythology.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Religion
Fables
Traditions
Mythology
Bible
Tradition
Mere
Mass

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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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A powerful agent is the right word. Whenever we come upon one of those intensely right words in a book or newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt.
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Every man is in his own person the whole human race without a detail lacking....I knew I should not find in any philosophy a single thought which had not passed through my own head, nor a single thought which had not passed through the heads of millions and millions of men before I was born.
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Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.
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The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
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Be good and you'll be lonesome
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Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.
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The piano may do for love-sick girls who lace themselves to skeletons, and lunch on chalk, pickles and slate pencils, but give me the banjo.
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The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.
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I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why.
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Sane and intelligent human beings are like all other human beings, and carefully and cautiously and diligently conceal their private real opinions from the world and give out fictitious ones in their stead for general consumption.
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditchdigging. It is the insanest of all recreations. The inventor of it overlooked no detail that could furnish weariness, distress, harassment, and acute and long-sustained misery of mind and body.
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The ability to find solutions to life's challenges is what makes us grow as a person.
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Man is the only animal that is cruel. It kills just for the sake of it.
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We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world and it's efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read-
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Never miss an opportunity to shut up.
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It is better to support schools than jails.
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We all like to see people sea-sick when we are not ourselves.
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It is human to exaggerate the merits of the dead.
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As a rule, we go about with masks, we go about looking honest, and we are able to conceal ourselves all through the day.
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