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When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Atheism
Less
Religion
Doesn
Bibles
Deity
Deities
Reads
Surprised
More quotes by Mark Twain
We adore titles and heredities in our hearts and ridicule them with our mouths. This is our democratic privilege.
Mark Twain
Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.
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Education that consists in learning things and not the meaning of them is feeding upon the husks and not the corn
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Humor, to be comprehensible to anybody, must be built upon a foundation with which he is familiar. If he can't see the foundation the superstructure is to him merely a freak -- like the Flatiron building without any visible means of support -- something that ought to be arrested.
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It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened.
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I am able to say that while I am not ruggedly well, I am not ill enough to excite an undertaker.
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...nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds of people.
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The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.
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Only he who has seen better days and lives to see better days again knows their full value.
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That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy.
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I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.
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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.
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Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
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Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR per G.G., CHIEF OF ORDNANCE
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The miracle or the power that elevates the few is to be found in their industry, application and perseverance under the promptings of a brave, determined spirit.
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Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
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And how moving is the eloquence of the untaught when it is the heart that is speaking!
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It takes some little time to accept and realize the fact that while you have been growing old, your friends have not been standing still, in that matter.
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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