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When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Religion
Doesn
Bibles
Deity
Deities
Reads
Surprised
Atheism
Less

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To be good is noble but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.
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Names are not always what they seem.
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Too bad that youth is wasted on the young.
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Alas! those good old days are gone, when a murderer could wipe the stain from his name and soothe his trouble to sleep simply by getting out his blocks and mortar and building an addition to a church.
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I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.
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If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.
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Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.
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In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
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A discriminating irreverence is the creator and protector of human liberty.
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Wheresoever she was, there was Eden.
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All the territorial possessions of all the political establishments in the earth--including America, of course-- consist of pilferings from other people's wash. No tribe, howsoever insignificant, and no nation, howsoever mighty occupies a foot of land that was not stolen.
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Prediction is difficult- particularly when it involves the future.
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God was left out of the Constitution, but was furnished a front seat in this nations currency. (In God we Trust) is a lie, this nations trust has always been with the dollar.
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Self-approval is acquired mainly from the approval of other people.
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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
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What is the most rigorous law of our being? Growth.
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It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail.
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
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But it was ever thus, all through my life: whenever I have diverged from custom and principle and uttered a truth, the rule has been that the hearer hadn't strength of mind enough to believe it.
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I have never examined the subject of humor until now. I am surprised to find how much ground it covers. I have got its divisions and frontiers down on a piece of paper. I find it defined as a production of the brain, as the power of the brain to produce something humorous, and the capacity of percieving humor.
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