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When one reads Bibles, one is less surprised at what the Deity knows than at what He doesn't know.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Religion
Doesn
Bibles
Deity
Deities
Reads
Surprised
Atheism
Less

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Talking of patriotism, what humbug it is it is a word which always commemorates a robbery.
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The Creator made Italy from designs by Michelangelo.
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The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.
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When your opinions start to coincide with those of the majority, it is time to reconsider your opinions.
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From his cradle to his grave a man never does a single thing which has any FIRST AND FOREMOST object but one -- to secure peace of mind, spiritual comfort, for HIMSELF.
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Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the courts?... Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity.
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We can secure other people's approval, if we do right and try hard but our own is worth a hundred of it, and no way has been found out of securing that.
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I have been on the verge of being an angel all my life, but it's never happened yet.
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If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.
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Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
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We can't always have the beautiful aspect of things. Let us make the most of our sights that are beautiful and let the others go
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An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
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The low level which commercial morality has reached in America is deplorable. We have humble God fearing Christian men among us who will stoop to do things for a million dollars that they ought not to be willing to do for less than 2 millions.
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That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
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...nothing so liberalizes a man and expands the kindly instincts that nature put in him as travel and contact with many kinds of people.
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It makes one hope and believe that a day will come when, in the eye of the law, literary property will be as sacred as whiskey, or any other of the necessaries of life. It grieves me to think how far more profound and reverent a respect the law would have for literature if a body could only get drunk on it.
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I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody that was going to die.
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My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.
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There will never be a perfect time to quit smoking. A time when you don't have any distractions or stress... If you had started today one year ago, this would not even be an issue for you today! Don't waste another year!
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It is higher and nobler to be kind.
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