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If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Funny
Cannot
Cigar
Smoking
Humorous
Smoke
Shall
Heaven

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Words are only painted fire, a look is the fire itself. She gave that look, and carried it away to the treasury of heaven, where all things that are divine belong.
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Write without pay until somebody offers to pay.
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There isn't any way to libel the human race.
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Apparently one of the most uncertain things in the world is the funeral of a religion.
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The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is, those that succeeded tried.
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Honor is a harder master than the law.
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The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.
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A dozen direct censures are easier to bear than one morganatic compliment.
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My idea of our civilization is that it is a shoddy, poor thing and full of cruelties, vanities, arrogances, meannesses and hypocrisies.
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Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
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History doesn't repeat itself it rhymes.
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Knowledge becomes wisdom only after it has been put to good use.
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Life becomes fully understandable only the moment we realise that we are all mad.
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Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
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The master minds of all nations, in all ages, have sprung in affluent multitude from the mass of the nations, and from the mass of the nation only-not from its privileged classes.
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Only he who has seen better days and lives to see better days again knows their full value.
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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The average man don't like trouble and danger.
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Heaven is the very last place to come to rest and don't you be afraid to bet on that!
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