Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
If I cannot smoke in heaven, then I shall not go.
Mark Twain
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Shall
Heaven
Funny
Cannot
Cigar
Smoking
Humorous
Smoke
More quotes by Mark Twain
The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.
Mark Twain
The house was as empty as a beer closet in premises where painters have been at work.
Mark Twain
Circumstance - which moves by laws of its own, regardless of parties and policies, and whose decrees are final and must be obeyed by all - and will be
Mark Twain
Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.
Mark Twain
Broad, wholesome, charitable views .. can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the earth.
Mark Twain
Pilgrim's Progress , about a man that left his family, it didn't say why. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough.
Mark Twain
I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.
Mark Twain
That optimist of yours is always ready to turn hell's backyard into a play-ground.
Mark Twain
The work that is really a man's own work is play and not work at all.
Mark Twain
We are always too busy for our children we never give them the time or interest they deserve. We lavish gifts upon them but the most precious gift, our personal association, which means so much to them, we give grudgingly.
Mark Twain
Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so it is the sickening grammar that they use.
Mark Twain
The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.
Mark Twain
Frankenstein took some flesh and bones and blood and made a man out of them the man ran away and fell to raping and robbing and murdering everywhere, and Frankenstein was horrified and in despair, and said, I made him, without asking his consent, and it makes me responsible for every crime he commits. I am the criminal, he is innocent.
Mark Twain
Wisdom teaches us that none but birds should go out early, and that not even birds should do it unless they are out of worms.
Mark Twain
Forget and forgive. This is not difficult when properly understood.
Mark Twain
When the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface
Mark Twain
I was educated, I was trained, I was a Presbyterian and I knew how these things are done. I knew that in Biblical times if a man committed a sin the extermination of the whole surrounding nation-cattle and all-was likely to happen. I knew that Providence was not particular about the rest, so that He got somebody connected with the one He was after.
Mark Twain
The public is the only critic whose judgment is worth anything at all.
Mark Twain
A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
Mark Twain
Man proposes, but God blocks the game.
Mark Twain
