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Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Damn
Brings
Shame
Writers
Subjunctive
Grammar

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Unused talents gives you no advantage over someone who has no talent at all.
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All human rules are more or less idiotic.
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There ain't no way to find out why a snorer can't hear himself snore.
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Principles aren't of much account anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season.
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We are strange beings, we seem to go free, but we go in chains - chains of training, custom, convention, association, environment - in a word, Circumstance, and against these bonds the strongest of us struggle in vain.
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They did not know it was impossible so they did it
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I don't know anything about this man. Anyhow, I only know two things about him. One is, he has never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why.
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Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.
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It has always been a peculiarity of the human race that it keeps two sets of morals in stock-the private and the real, and the public and the artificial.
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I am losing enough sleep to supply a worn-out army.
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When someone dies, it is like when your house burns down it isn't for years that you realize the full extent of your loss.
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What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
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My advice to girls: first, don't smoke - to excess second, don't drink - to excess third, don't marry - to excess.
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Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.
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....try the mustard, - a man can't know what turnips are in perfection without mustard.
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Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
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I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.
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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
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A banquet is probably the most fatiguing thing in the world except ditchdigging. It is the insanest of all recreations. The inventor of it overlooked no detail that could furnish weariness, distress, harassment, and acute and long-sustained misery of mind and body.
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Does the human being reason? No he thinks, muses, reflects, but does not reason...that is, in the two things which are the peculiar domain of the heart, not the mind, politics and religion. He doesn't want to know the other side. He wants arguments and statistics for his own side, and nothing more.
Mark Twain