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Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Subjunctive
Grammar
Damn
Brings
Shame
Writers

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The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.
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[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
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I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion.
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It is best to read the weather forecast before praying for rain.
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Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.
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And so I am become a knight of the Kingdom of Dreams and Shadows
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Marriage -- yes, it is the supreme felicity of life. I concede it. And it is also the supreme tragedy of life. The deeper the love the surer the tragedy. And the more disconsolating when it comes.
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An American has not seen the United States until he has seen Mardi-Gras in New Orleans.
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The election makes me think of a story of a man who was dying. He had only two minutes to live, so he sent for a clergyman and asked him, Where is the best place to go to? He was undecided about it. So the minister told him that each place had its advantages--heaven for climate, and hell for society.
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I have at last, after several months' experience, made up my mind that [New York] is a splendid desert--a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race.
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In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
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My father was a Saint Bernard, my mother was a Collie, but I am a Presbyterian.
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Etiquette requires us to admire the human race.
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If I had more time, I would have written less.
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Life becomes fully understandable only the moment we realise that we are all mad.
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All men are ignorant, just on different subjects.
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These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community, and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
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It is curious and interesting to notice what an attraction a fussy, mincing, nickel-plated word has for you.
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I have learned that human existence is essentially tragic. It is only the love of God, disclosed and enacted in Christ, that redeems the human tragedy and makes it tolerable. No, more than tolerable. Wonderful.
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