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The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Obituary
Exaggerating
Exaggeration
Exaggerated
Report
Reports
Funny
Death

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Every year you wait, long ago gets farther away.
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
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Such is luck! And such the treatment which honest, good perservance gets so often at the hands of unfair and malicious Nature!
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I don't believe any of you have ever read Paradise Lost, and you don't want to. That's something that you just want to take on trust. It's a classic ... something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
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And so I am become a knight of the Kingdom of Dreams and Shadows
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Sometimes you gwyne to git hurt, en sometimes you gwyne to git sick but every time you's gwyne to git well agin.
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If we would learn what the human race really is at bottom, we need only observe it in election times.
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She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot
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Public Servant: Persons chosen by the people to distribute the graft.
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Man can seldom - very, very, seldom - fight a winning fight against his training the odds are too heavy.
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[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
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Sometimes people do get hurt
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Give a man a reputation as an early riser and he can sleep 'til noon.
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The nation is divided, half patriots and half traitors, and no man can tell which from which.
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Good decisions come from experience. Experience comes from making bad decisions.
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My sister...was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and always enjoyed the newest one more than any that went before my brother had accumulated forty-two brands of Christianity before he was called away.
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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
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Benaras is older than history, older than tradition, older even than legend, and looks twice as old as all of them put together!
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I find that the further I go back, the better things were, whether they happened or not.
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Benefit of clergy: Half-rate on the railroad.
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