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The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Exaggerating
Exaggeration
Exaggerated
Report
Reports
Funny
Death
Obituary

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The peoples furthest from civilization are the ones where equality between man and woman are furthest apart-and we consider this one of the signs of savagery.
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Whiskey is carried into committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.
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It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden
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I admire him, I frankly confess it and when his time is come I shall buy a piece of the rope for a keepsake.
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The difference between those that succeed and those that fail is, those that succeeded tried.
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The heart is the real fountain of youth.
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If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, As unhappy as God.
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Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.
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There are those who would misteach us that to stick in a rut is consistency - and a virtue, and that to climb out of the rut is inconsistency - and a vice.
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Teaching is like trying to hold 35 corks underwater at once.
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[I] shall never use profanity except in discussing house rent and taxes. Indeed, upon second thought, I will not use it then, for it is unchristian, inelegant, and degrading--though to speak truly I do not see how house rent and taxes are going to be discussed worth a cent without it.
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That is a society editor, sitting there elegantly dressed, with his legs crossed in that indolent way, observing the clothes the ladies wear, so that he can describe them for his paper and make them out finer than they are and get bribes for it and become wealthy.
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I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.
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The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow.
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A group of men in evening clothes looks like a flock of crows, and is just about as inspiring.
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July 4. Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than in all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so
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The ability to find solutions to life's challenges is what makes us grow as a person.
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