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The report of my death was an exaggeration.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Death
Obituary
Exaggerating
Exaggeration
Exaggerated
Report
Reports
Funny

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Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell, together, as quickly as possible.
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Names are not always what they seem.
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The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.
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To be great, truly great, you have to be the kind of person who makes the others around you great.
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Damn these human beings if I had invented them I would go hide my head in a bag.
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If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way.
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar--for me. I am the only judge... There are no standards--no real standards. Each man's preference is the only standard for him, the only one which he can accept, the only one which can command him.
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Congress: America's only true criminal class.
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Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident the only earthly certainty is oblivion.
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Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
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Do you reckon Tom Sawyer was satisfied after all them adventures?
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My sister...was an interested and zealous invalid during sixty-five years, tried all the new diseases as fast as they came out, and always enjoyed the newest one more than any that went before my brother had accumulated forty-two brands of Christianity before he was called away.
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Let us be grateful to Adam: he cut us out of the blessing of idleness and won for us the curse of labor.
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Be virtuous and you will be eccentric.
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What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.
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We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there.
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Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.
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Advertisements contain the only truths to be relied on in a newspaper.
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