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All saints can do miracles, but few of them can keep a hotel.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Miracles
Hotel
Saint
Miracle
Keep
Saints

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Eternal rest sounds comforting in the pulpit well, you try it once, and see how heavy time will hang on your hands.
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My experience with horses is that they never throw away a chance to go lame.
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When grown-up persons indulge in practical jokes, the fact gauges them. They have lived narrow, obscure, and ignorant lives, and at full manhood they still retain and cherish a job lot of left-over standards and ideals that would have been discarded with their boyhood if they had then moved out into the world and a broader life.
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My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.
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The less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
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All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge.
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Between us, we cover all knowledge he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
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There is nothing to be learned from the second kick of a mule.
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The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell, together, as quickly as possible.
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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A man can be a Christian or a patriot, but he can't legally be a Christian and a patriot - except in the usual way: one of the two with the mouth, the other with the heart.
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The public is the only critic whose judgment is worth anything at all.
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You try to tell me anything about the newspaper business! Sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands.
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We despise all reverences and all objects of reverence which are outside the pale of our list of sacred things. And yet, with strange inconsistency, we are shocked when other people despise and defile the things which are holy to us.
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Therein lies the defect of revenge: it's all in the anticipation the thing itself is a pain, not a pleasure at least the pain is the biggest end of it.
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Go to bed early, get up early-this is wise.
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