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It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Prove
Boys
Used
Nothing
Good
Proves
Hotel

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I can live for two months on a good compliment.
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I have stopped smoking now and then, for a few months at a time, but it was not on principle, it was only to show off it was to pulverize those critics who said I was a slave to my habits and couldn't break my bonds.
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No real estate is permanently valuable but the grave.
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Circumstances make man, not man circumstances.
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Figures often beguile me, particularly when I have the arranging of them myself in which case the remark attributed to Disraeli would often apply with justice and force: There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
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There ain't nothing more to write about and I'm rotten glad of it, because if I'd know'd what trouble it was to make a book, I wouldn't a tackled it.
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Deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie - I found that out.
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Whenever the human race assembles to a number exceeding four, it cannot stand free speech.
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History has tried hard to teach us that we can't have good government under politicians. Now, to go and stick one at the very head of the government couldn't be wise.
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When you feel like tellin a feller to go to the devil - tell him to go to Chicago - it'll anser every purpose, and is perhaps, a leetle more expensive.
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You want to be very careful about lying otherwise you are nearly sure to get caught.
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Low comedies are written for the drawing-room, the kitchen and the stable, and if you cut out the kitchen and the stable the drawing-room can't support the play by itself.
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Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned
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A powerful agent is the right word: it lights the reader's way and makes it plain.
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