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It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing - I used to be a good boy.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Proves
Hotel
Prove
Boys
Used
Nothing
Good

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Nature knows no indecencies man invents them.
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I am dead to adverbs they cannot excite me. To misplace an adverb is a thing which I am able to do with frozen indifference it can never give me a pang. There are subtleties which I cannot master at all - they confuse me, they mean absolutely nothing to me - and this adverb plague is one of them.
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An uneasy conscience is a hair in the mouth.
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When some men discharge an obligation, you can hear the report for miles around.
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You can't break a bad habit by throwing it out the window. You've got to walk it slowly down the stairs.
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The only very marked difference between the average civilized man and the average savage is that the one is gilded and the other is painted.
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When a man's dog turns against hime, it is time for his wife to pack her trunk and go home to mamma.
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People are much more willing to lend you books than bookcases.
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One holds a bottle of red wine by the neck, a woman by the waist, and a bottle of champagne by the derriere.
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The weakest of all weak things is a virtue that has not been tested in the fire.
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A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
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The newspaper that obstructs the law on a trivial pretext, for money's sake, is a dangerous enemy to the public weal. That awful power, the public opinion of a nation, is created in America by a horde of ignorant, self-complacent simpletons who failed at ditching and shoemaking and fetched up in journalism on their way to the poorhouse.
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I wrote 'Tom Sawyer' and 'Huck Finn' for adults exclusively, and it always distressed me when I find that boys and girls have been allowed access to them. The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean.
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I never felt so fervently thankful, so soothed, so tranquil, so filled with the blessed peace, as I did yesterday when I learned that Michael Angelo was dead.
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It is strange the way the ignorant and inexperienced so often and so undeservedly succeed when the informed and the experienced fail.
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Damn the subjunctive. It brings all our writers to shame.
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Only a government that is rich and safe can afford to be a democracy, for democracy is the most expensive and nefarious kind of government ever heard of on earth
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I have at last, after several months' experience, made up my mind that [New York] is a splendid desert--a domed and steepled solitude, where the stranger is lonely in the midst of a million of his race.
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I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there.
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All emotion is involuntary when genuine.
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