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Some people bring joy wherever they go, and some people bring joy whenever they go.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
People
Wherever
Whenever
Joy
Bring

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When the world is made to be idiot-proof, the world will become overpopulated with idiots.
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When congress is in session no American is safe.
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If I were going to construct a God I would furnish him with some ways and qualities and characteristics which the Present One lacks... He would spend some of His eternities in trying to forgive Himself for making man unhappy when He could have made him happy with the same effort and He would spend the rest of them in studying astronomy.
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There is no such thing as a new idea. We simply take a lot of old ideas and put them into a sort of mental kaleidoscope.
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I heard a Californian student in Heidelberg say, in one of his calmest moods, that he would rather decline two drinks than one German adjective.
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I went to the circus, and loafed around the back side till the watchman went by, and then dived in under the tent. I had my twenty-dollar gold piece and some other money, but I reckoned I better save it.... I ain't opposed to spending money on circuses, when there ain't no other way, but there ain't no use in wasting it on them.
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Humor is the good natured side of a truth.
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I like a good story well told. That is the reason I am sometimes forced to tell them myself.
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Conscience, man's moral medicine chest.
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The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.
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There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others.
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Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.
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The world has corrected the Bible. The church never corrects it and also never fails to drop in at the tail of the procession-and take the credit of the correction.
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Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial 'we.'
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Hero: Person in a book who does things which he can't and girl marries him for it.
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If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
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In all the ages, three-fourths of the support of the great charities has been conscience money.
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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Customs do not concern themselves with right or wrong or reason. But they have to be obeyed one reasons all around them until he is tired, but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.
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Old habits cannot be thrown out the upstairs window. They have to be coaxed downstairs one step at a time.
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