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I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hell
Friends
Heaven
Funny
Self
Life
Commit
Like
Friendship
Places

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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
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Let us guess that whenever we read a sentence & like it, we unconsciously store it away in our model-chamber & it goes, with the myriad of its fellows, to the building, brick by brick, of the eventual edifice which we call our style.
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When a man arrives at great prosperity God did it: when he falls into disaster he did it himself.
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In literature imitations do not imitate.
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I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.
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Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
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To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.
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The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.
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I know all those people. I have friendly, social, and criminal relations with the whole lot of them.
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Temperate temperance is best intemperate temperance injures the cause of temperance.
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Some things you can't find out but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out.
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Two things seemed pretty apparent to me. One was that in order to be a pilot a man had to learn more than any one man ought to learn and the other was that he must learn it all over again in a different way every 24 hours.
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Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
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Shut the door not that it lets in the cold but that it lets out the coziness.
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To be a patriot, one had to say, and keep on saying, Our Country, right or wrong, and urge on the little war. Have you not perceived that that phrase is an insult to the nation?
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What a curious kind of fool a girl is. Never been licked in school. What's a licking?
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Ours is the land of the free-nobody denies that-nobody challenges it. (Maybe it is because we won't let other people testify.)
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Whenever a copyright law is to be made or altered, then the idiots assemble.
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The lie, as a virtue, a principle, is eternal the lie, as a recreation, a solace, a refuge in time of need, the fourth Grace, the tenth Muse, man's best and surest friend is immortal
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