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I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
Mark Twain
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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Hell
Friends
Heaven
Funny
Self
Life
Commit
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Friendship
Places
More quotes by Mark Twain
Civilization largely consists in hiding human nature. When the barbarian learns to hide it we account him enlightened.
Mark Twain
Humor is the good natured side of a truth.
Mark Twain
Surely the test of a novel's characters is that you feel a strong interest in them and their affairs the good to be successful, the bad to suffer failure. Well, in John Ward, you feel no divided interest, no discriminating interest you want them all to land in hell together, and right away.
Mark Twain
I knew a man who grabbed a cat by the tail and learned forty percent more about cats than the man who didn't.
Mark Twain
Happiness ain't a thing in itself -it's only a contrast with something that ain't pleasant. And so, as soon as the novelty is over and the force of the contrast dulled, it ain't happiness any longer, and you have to get something fresh.
Mark Twain
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.
Mark Twain
No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house.
Mark Twain
Had double chins all the way down to his stomach.
Mark Twain
The art of prophecy is very difficult, especially with respect to the future.
Mark Twain
Diligence is a good thing, but taking things easy is much more restful.
Mark Twain
Do right and you will be conspicuous.
Mark Twain
All human rules are more or less idiotic.
Mark Twain
The human being places sexual intercourse above all other joys, but leaves it out of his heaven.
Mark Twain
And so I am become a knight of the Kingdom of Dreams and Shadows
Mark Twain
[On Dutch flat poetry]: It is too smooth and blubbery it reads like butter-milk gurgling from a jug.
Mark Twain
Seasickness: at first you are so sick you are afraid you will die, and then you are so sick you are afraid you won't die.
Mark Twain
Some civilized women would lose half their charm without dress and some would lose all of it.
Mark Twain
I felt so lonesome I most wished I was dead. The stars were shining, and the leaves rustled in the woods ever so mournful and I heard an owl, away off, who-whooing about somebody that was dead, and a whippowill and a dog crying about somebody that was going to die.
Mark Twain
There are things which some people never attempt during their whole lives, but one of these is not poetry. Poetry attacks all human beings sooner or later, and, like the measles, is mild or violent according to the age of the sufferer.
Mark Twain
We laugh and laugh. Then cry and cry- Then feebler laugh, Then die.
Mark Twain
