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The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Cold
Upon
Stove
Stoves
Sat
Hot
Cat

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Data is like garbage. You'd better know what you are going to do with it before you collect it.
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What is the chief end of man?-to get rich. In what way?-dishonestly if we can honestly if we must. Who is God, the one and only true? Money is God. Gold and Greenbacks and Stock-father, son, and ghosts of same, three persons in one These are the true and only God, mighty and supreme.
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Jim said that bees won't sting idiots, but I didn't believe that, because I tried them lots of times myself and they wouldn't sting me.
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I would not read the proof of one of my books for any fair & reasonable sum whatever, if I could get out of it. The proof-reading on the P & Pauper cost me the last rags of my religion.
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I was born modest not all over, but in spots.
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We find not much in ourselves to admire, we are always privately wanting to be like somebody else. If everybody was satisfied with himself, there would be no heroes
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A better idea than my own is to listen.
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My father was an amazing man. The older I got, the smarter he got.
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
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I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two million dollars.
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I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever.
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If the desire to kill and the opportunity to kill came always together, who would escape hanging?
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The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
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If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.
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Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
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