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Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Life
Vagrants
Forlorn
Grotesque
Mad
Foolish
Crazy
Dream

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Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.
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The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.
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I have always been rather better treated in San Francisco than I actually deserved.
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What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
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The difference between fiction and nonfiction is that fiction must be absolutely believable.
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There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.
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Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.
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Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.
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At noon I observed a bevy of nude young native women bathing in the sea, and I went and sat down on their clothes to keep them from being stolen.
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It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened.
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When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
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Human beings are the only creatures who blush - or who need to.
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Yes, even I am dishonest. Not in many ways, but in some. Forty-one, I think it is.
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To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.
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God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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A lie can make it half way around the world before the truth has time to put its boots on.
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I pity the fellow who has to create a dialect or paraphrase the dictionary to get laughs. I can't spell, but I have never stooped to spell cat with a 'k' to get at your funny bone. I love a drink, but I never encouraged drunkenness by harping on its alleged funny side.
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I have traveled more than anyone else, and I have noticed that even the angels speak English with an accent.
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The higher animals get their teeth without pain or inconvenience. Man gets his through months and months of cruel torture he will never get a set which can really be depended on 'till a dentist makes him one.
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I do love compliments, yet I'm often embarrassed to say what I think to the person when I get a compliment. I so often feel that they have not gone far enough.
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