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Life is but a dream, a grotesque and foolish dream.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Mad
Foolish
Crazy
Dream
Life
Vagrants
Forlorn
Grotesque

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Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven & hell & I have only a vague curiosity about one of those.
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Shall we go on conferring our Civilization upon the peoples that sit in darkness, or shall we give those poor things a rest?
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I persuaded him to throw the dirk away and it was as easy as persuading a child to give up some bright fresh new way of killing itself.
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The ignorant are afraid to betray surprise or admiration...they think it ill manners.
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Slang in a woman's mouth is not obscene, it only sounds so.
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Jane Austen's books, too, are absent from this library. Just that one omission alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.
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Circumstances make man, not man circumstances.
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Ignorance, intolerance, egotism, self-assertion, opaque perception, dense and pitiful chuckle headedness - and an almost pathetic unconsciousness of it all, that is what I was at nineteen and twenty.
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A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
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You may call a jay a bird. Well, so he is, in a measure--because he's got feathers on him, and don't belong to no church, perhapsbut otherwise he is just as much a human as you be. And I'll tell you for why. A jay's gifts and instincts, and feelings, and interests, cover the whole ground. A jay hasn't got any more principle than a Congressman.
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I always take Scotch whiskey at night as a preventive of toothache. I have never had the toothache and what is more, I never intend to have it.
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History may not repeat, but it often rhymes.
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We never knew an ignorant person yet but was prejudiced.
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To me [Edgar Allen Poe's] prose is unreadable—like Jane Austin's [sic]. No there is a difference. I could read his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.
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The more you explain it, the more I don't understand it.
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The Mississippi River will always have its own way no engineering skill can persuade it to do otherwise.
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We all live in the protection of certain cowardices which we call our principles.
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Praise is well, compliment is well, but affection-that is the last and most precious reward that any man can win, whether by character or achievement.
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There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.
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Switzerland is simply a large, lumpy, solid rock with a thin skin of grass stretched over it.
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