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God could create the world in six days because he didn't have to make it compatible with the previous version. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
World
Fun
Hell
Days
Compatible
Create
Previous
Company
Version
Heaven
Versions
Didn
Six
Make
Climate

More quotes by Mark Twain

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What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.
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If you are with the quality, or at a funeral, or trying to go to sleep when you ain't sleepy - if you are anywheres where it won't do for you to scratch, why you will itch all over in upwards of a thousand places.
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There is nothing so annoying as a good example!!
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If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.
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I like Joan of Arc best of all my books and it is the best I know it perfectly well.
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Agassiz does recommend authors to eat fish, because the phosphorus in it makes brains. But I cannot help you to a decision about the amount you need to eat. Perhaps a couple of whales would be enough.
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If true, rarely beautiful. If beautiful, rarely true.
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The cat, having sat upon a hot stove lid, will not sit upon a hot stove lid again. Nor upon a cold stove lid.
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I can teach anybody how to get what they want out of life. The problem is that I can't find anybody who can tell me what they want.
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I simply can't resist a cat, particularly a purring one.
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When the time comes that a man has had his dinner, then the true man comes to the surface
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The only people that a bank will loan money to is the very people who don't need it.
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.
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Doesn't make any difference who we are or what we are, there's always somebody to look down on.
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The more you join with people in their joys and their sorrows, the more nearer and dearer they come to be to you.
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I am the entire human race compacted together. I have found that there is no ingredient of the race which I do not possess in either a small way or a large way.
Mark Twain
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An author values a compliment even when it comes from a source of doubtful competency.
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No man, deep down in the privacy of his heart, has any considerable respect for himself.
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Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.
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It is my belief that nearly any invented quotation, played with confidence, stands a good chance to deceive.
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