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God could create the world in six days because he didn't have to make it compatible with the previous version. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Company
Version
Heaven
Versions
Didn
Six
Make
Climate
World
Fun
Hell
Days
Compatible
Create
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Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity - these are strictly confined to man he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed.
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The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
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Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge.
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I like criticism, but it must be my way.
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He was endowed with a stupidity which by the least little stretch would go around the globe four times and tie.
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Customs do not concern themselves with right or wrong or reason. But they have to be obeyed one reasons all around them until he is tired, but he must not transgress them, it is sternly forbidden.
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Man will do many things to get himself loved, he will do all things to get himself envied.
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In the ancient city of London, on a certain autumn day in the second quarter of the sixteenth century, a boy was born to a poor family of the name of Canty, who did not want him.
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
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Twenty-four years ago I was strangely handsome in San Francisco in the rainy season I was often mistaken for fair weather.
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We need not worry so much about what man descends from it's what he descends to that shames the human race.
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I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases
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A man who carries a cat by the tail is getting experience that will always be helpful. He isn't likely to grow dim or doubtful. Chances are, he isn't likely to carry the cat that way again, either. But if he wants to, I say let him!
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We Americans worship the almighty dollar! Well, it is a worthier god than Heredity Privilege.
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I could be an idiot, or I can serve in Congress, but I repeat myself.
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I have thought many times since that if poets when they get discouraged would blow their brains out, they could write very much better when they got well.
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You can tell German wine from vinegar by the label.
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When I was 17, my father was so stupid, I didn't want to be seen with him in public. When I was 24, I was amazed at how much the old man had learned in just 7 years.
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One frequently only finds out how really beautiful a really beautiful woman is after considerable acquaintance with her and the rule applies to Niagara Falls, to majestic mountains, and to mosques-especially to mosques.
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A woman springs a sudden reproach upon you which provokes a hot retort, and then she will presently ask you to apologize.
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