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God could create the world in six days because he didn't have to make it compatible with the previous version. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Didn
Six
Make
Climate
World
Fun
Hell
Days
Compatible
Create
Previous
Company
Version
Heaven
Versions

More quotes by Mark Twain

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Never let the truth get in the way of a good story.
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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
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There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to but a hog is different.
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He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
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All war must be just the killing of strangers against whom you feel no personal animosity strangers whom, in other circumstances, you would help if you found them in trouble, and who would help you if you needed it.
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I try never to let my schooling get in the way of my education.
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If you have nothing to say, say nothing.
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Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.
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Do right and you will be conspicuous.
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The pause - that impressive silence, that eloquent silence, that geometrically progressive silence which often achieves a desired effect where no combination of words, howsoever felicitous, could accomplish it.
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I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
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None but the dead have free speech.
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God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
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All large political doctrines are rich in difficult problems - problems that are quite above the average citizen's reach. And that is not strange, since they are also above the reach of the ablest minds in the country after all the fuss and all the talk, not one of those doctrines has been conclusively proven to be the right one and the best.
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Broad, wholesome, charitable views .. can not be acquired by vegetating in one's little corner of the earth.
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Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
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...Man is a marvelous curiosity. When he is at his very very best he is a sort of low grade nickel-plated angel at his worst he is unspeakable, unimaginable and first and last and all the time he is a sarcasm. Yet he blandly and in all sincerity calls himself the 'noblest work of God.'
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We despise no source that can pay us a pleasing attention.
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Let your joy be unconfined!
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This autobiography of mine is a mirror, and I am looking at myself in it all the time. Incidentally I notice the people that pass along at my back - I get glimpses of them in the mirror - and whenever they say or do anything that can help advertise me and flatter me and raise me in my own estimation, I set these things down in my autobiography.
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