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God could create the world in six days because he didn't have to make it compatible with the previous version. Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Create
Previous
Company
Version
Heaven
Versions
Didn
Six
Make
Climate
World
Fun
Hell
Days
Compatible

More quotes by Mark Twain

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I'm glad I did it, partly because it was worth it, but mostly because I shall never have to do it again.
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If you take epitaphs seriously, we ought to bury the living and resurrect the dead.
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Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.
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Success is a journey, not a destination. It requires constant effort, vigilance and reevaluation.
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Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink and swore his last oath. Today, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient shortcomings considerably shorter than ever.
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One may make their house a palace of sham, or they can make it a home, a refuge.
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If you've got a nice fresh corpse, fetch him out!
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George Washington, as a boy, was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie.
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You can't reason with your heart it has its own laws, and thumps about things which the intellect scorns.
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There are two times in a man's life when he should not speculate: when he can't afford it, and when he can.
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I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it.
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School gets in the way of my learning.
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There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.
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Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
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A little starvation can really do more for the average sick man than can the best medicines and the best doctors.
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These people´s God has shown them by a million acts that he respects none of the Bible´s statues. He breaks every one of them himself, adultery and all.
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Conductor, when you receive a fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare. A blue trip slip for an eight-cent fare, A buff trip slip for a six-cent fare, A pink trip slip for a three-cent fare, Punch in the presence of the passenjare! Punch, brothers! punch with care! Punch in the presence of the passenjare!
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The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
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It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. Overnight success is a fallacy. It is preceded by a great deal of preparation. Ask any successful person how they came to this point in their lives, and they will have a story to tell.
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I will remark in the way of general information, that in California, that land of felicitous nomenclature, the literary name of this sort of stuff is hogwash
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