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There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Caught
Early
Religious
Christian

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Ethical man: A Christian holding four aces.
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It was a place of sin, loose women, whiskey and gambling. It was no place for a good Presbyterian, and I did not long remain one.
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It is a good idea to obey all the rules when you're young just so you'll have the strength to break them when you're old.
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A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.
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The human race is a race of cowards and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.
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There are some natures which never grow large enough to speak out and say a bad act is a bad act, until they have inquired into the politics or the nationality of the man who did it.
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Everybody lies...every day, every hour, awake, asleep, in his dreams, in his joy, in his mourning. If he keeps his tongue still his hands, his feet, his eyes, his attitude will convey deception.
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There ain't nothing more to write about and I'm rotten glad of it, because if I'd know'd what trouble it was to make a book, I wouldn't a tackled it.
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I was exceedingly delighted with the waltz, and also with the polka. These differ in name, but there the difference ceases
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The Koran does not permit Mohammedans to drink. Their natural instincts do not permit them to be moral. They say the Sultan has eight hundred wives. This almost amounts to bigamy.
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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
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There is nothing so annoying as to have two people talking when you're busy interrupting.
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A soiled baby with a neglected nose cannot be conscientiously regarded as a thing of beauty.
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It's not as bad as it sounds.
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A group of men in evening clothes looks like a flock of crows, and is just about as inspiring.
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God rewards gamblers and fools. The crucial thing, when you win, is knowing which you were.
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Concentration of power in a political machine is bad and an Established Church is only a political machine it was invented for that it is nursed, cradled, preserved for that it is an enemy to human liberty, and does no good which it could not better do in a split-up and scattered condition.
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The proverb says, Born lucky, always lucky, and I am very superstitious. As a small boy I was notoriously lucky. It was usual for one or two of our lads (per annum) to get drowned in the Mississippi or in Bear Creek, but I was pulled out in a 2/3 drowned condition 9 times before I learned to swim, and was considered to be a cat in disguise.
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The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.
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To get the right word in the right place is a rare achievement.
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