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There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Early
Religious
Christian
Caught

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The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.
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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
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There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to but a hog is different.
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All schools, all colleges have two great functions: to confer, and to conceal valuable knowledge.
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I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.
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There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. It's dangerous to have to repress an emotion like that.
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All human rules are more or less idiotic.
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It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
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The thing for us to do is just to do our duty, and not worry about whether anybody sees us do it or not.
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The physician who knows only medicine, knows not even medicine.
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Of all God's creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.
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It is hard enough luck being a monarch, without being a target also.
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The only people who should use the possessive 'we' are kings, newspaper editors, and persons with tapeworms.
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There are people who think that honesty is always the best policy. This is a superstition. There are times when the appearance of it is worth six of it.
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I have seen slower people than I am and more deliberate... and even quieter, and more listless, and lazier people than I am. But they were dead.
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Optimist: day dreamer more elegantly spelled.
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Many public-school children seem to know only two dates—1492 and 4th of July and as a rule they don't know what happened on either occasion.
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Children have but little charity for one another's defects
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The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
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You need not expect to get your book right the first time. Go to work and revamp or rewrite it. God only exhibits his thunder and lightning at intervals, and so they always command attention. These are God's adjectives. You thunder and lightning too much the reader ceases to get under the bed, by and by.
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