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There has been only one Christian. They caught and curcified him-early.

Mark Twain

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Mark Twain
Age: 74 †
Born: 1835
Born: November 30
Died: 1910
Died: April 21
Aphorist
Author
Autobiographer
Humorist
Journalist
Novelist
Opinion Journalist
Prosaist
Science Fiction Writer
Teacher
Florida
Missouri
Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Samuel L. Clemens
Samuel Clemens
Christian
Caught
Early
Religious

More quotes by Mark Twain

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They all laid their heads together like as many lawyers when they are gettin' ready to prove that a man's heirs ain't got any right to his property.
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Good exercise for the heart: reach out and help your neighbor
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No one can tell me what is a good cigar - for me. I am the only judge. People who claim to know say that I smoke the worst cigars in the world. They bring their own cigars when they come to my house.
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Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.
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I ordinarily smoke fifteen cigars during my five hours' labours, and if my interest reaches the enthusiastic point, I smoke more. I smoke with all my might, and allow no intervals.
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If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.
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Travel has no longer any charm for me. I have seen all the foreign countries I want to except heaven & hell & I have only a vague curiosity about one of those.
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There are two types of speakers: those that are nervous and those that are liars.
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Don't wait the time is never just right.
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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
Mark Twain
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I have learned that human existence is essentially tragic. It is only the love of God, disclosed and enacted in Christ, that redeems the human tragedy and makes it tolerable. No, more than tolerable. Wonderful.
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It is a solemn thought: dead, the noblest man's meat is inferior to pork.
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Plain question and plain answer make the shortest road out of most perplexities.
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The only certainties in life are death and taxes.
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Thanksgiving Day - Let all give humble, hearty, and sincere thanks, now, but the turkeys. In the island of Fiji they do not use turkeys, they use plumbers. It does not become you and me to sneer at Fiji.
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We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking.
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The radical of one century is the conservative of the next. The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the conservative adopt.
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We Americans... bear the ark of liberties of the world.
Mark Twain
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There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather... In the spring I have counted one hundred and twenty-six different kinds of weather inside of four and twenty hours.
Mark Twain
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Why is it that, among men, physical courage is a trait so plenteous yet moral courage is a trait so rare?
Mark Twain